Recently, I attended The ZONE, an intensive training programme conducted by my friend and mentor, Dato’ Vijay Eswaran. It was the first training I was attending after a very long time, and it turned out to be a very good session. I had almost forgotten what it was like to sit in for one of his trainings, but at The ZONE everything came flooding back. It was simply amazing to see the way Vijay handled the different personalities around him! With the company’s new motto being ‘WE CARE’, Vijay took the opportunity to find out if his senior networkers and corporate staff cared about each other and the rest of their down-lines and colleagues. One night he challenged the crowd of 200 people to approach one of the participants, Joshua, who was a smoker, and convince him to give up smoking. When he asked the crowd who was up to the challenge, many put their hands up. Then Vijay called upon Devan, who was Joshua’s roommate at the training, and asked him why he had not raised his hands. He asked Devan if he would convince Joshua to give up smoking, to which Devan replied, “No! Because I don’t care.” This led to a discussion where Devan told Vijay that he honestly feels that no one in the company really cares about each other. Many in the crowd disagreed, and so Vijay left it in the hands of the audience to prove Devan wrong, and correct his perception of things. During the course of the discussion, Joshua also agreed to quit smoking if another participant, Naresh, gave up smoking. Vijay then asked Naresh if he cared if Joshua smokes. Naresh said that he cares about Joshua and would persuade him to quit smoking. Vijay asked Naresh how he could convince Joshua to quit smoking if he himself was still hooked to the habit. At the end of the session, both Naresh and Joshua had made a commitment to each other to give up smoking. Also, Devan, as Head of Human Resources, realised that with his responsibility, he of all people, SHOULD care! There were also many questions people asked Vijay, which got me thinking. One of the V Partners asked him what a leader should do when a subordinate decides to break away from the group. Should the leader let him/her go? Vijay then explained that leaders are responsible for building each member of his team so that they are strong enough to fend for themselves and go out there and lead on their own. If this person is capable of taking care of the weakest IR under them, and is able to overcome the challenges of building a team, then by all means, it is best to let the person go and expand his own potential. However, if he is weak and incapable, it is only a matter of time before he comes back and joins his original team. This discussion went on till 3am in the morning, and while most of us were almost falling over with fatigue, Vijay still looked so charged up. I realised that because of his passion for helping others and his love for all of us, he was willing to sacrifice his sleep in order to bring about some kind of change within the organisation. His energy and charisma was outstanding, and it struck me as to how much I had taken our relationship for granted. We also went into a discussion about how we could balance Vijay. We had two choices; either take him on, or follow his leadership style. And I strongly feel that it is our responsibility to balance him, to make sure that he doesn’t always win! The point is that we must always seek the truth and defend it. If necessary, we need to point it out to him as well. Someone even asked Vijay how he manages all the strong personalities he has on board his management team. To which he said, “I manage them by staying one step ahead of them all the time.” His answer was an eye opener for me, because I realised that a leader has to stay ahead by doing more research, and gaining more knowledge and understanding of everything around him/her, so that he or she is always better placed to answer questions and be prepared to face challenges posed by subordinates. Knowledge is power, said Vijay. We also discussed something interesting called Intent Vs Mechanism. During the discussion, Vijay asked us all asked what % of intention + % mechanism = 100% result. We started by popping random answers such as 99% / 1% or 50%/50% or 25%/75%, etc. Then we were made to play a game, where people had to get from one side of the room to the other, by doing some sort of action, be it walking, running, dancing, etc. The challenge is that no one can repeat what anyone else has done, meaning we needed to have 200 different ways of getting across! If the judges were not impressed, you would have to come back and start all over again! This forced people to think hard about ways to get across. However, at the end of the game, Vijay said that the whole objective was to make us see the difference between intent and mechanism, as it relates to achieving our goals. We had a very lengthy conversation on the topic, and finally came to a very shocking conclusion…that 100% intention + 0% mechanism = 100% result! In other words, it doesn't matter how you achieve something, as long as your intention is clear that you will have it. For instance, if our intention is to earn money, instead of looking for the perfect business opportunity, we should in fact start by learning more about how money works. Once you have increased financial intelligence, you will be able to tell a good opportunity from the bad and whether or not the mechanism is congruent with your goals. It doesn’t matter how. T. Harv Eker, author of Secrets of a Millionaire Mind, describes intention this way -- if you are the tree, and your beliefs and actions are the roots, then your results are the fruit. He goes on to explain that you can always tell what your intention was by the fruit you have produced. So, if you don't like the fruit, then change your roots. Likewise, in our organisation, sometimes we spend so much time criticising the way things are done. But if our intention is strong enough, we should instead be focusing on what we should do differently.
While I truly adore and love my wife, Vanessa, through the years, even she has come to recognise that some bonds are like no other….especially the ones I share with the two other loves of my life....my son Ricky and my dog, Oscar. One is really young, with his whole life ahead of him, growing, learning (although slow and frustrating for me) with much hope, trepidation, lacking some discipline. He doesn't listen well, sadly doesn't like to read too much either and is trying hard to catch up on 3-4 years of academia. The other is nearing the end of his very full, active, life that he lived with the same passion that he still shows today at his age of few months short of 20 years. When I look at the two of them, I get emotional and sometimes cry for different reasons. For Ricky, because of love, concern and the question of whether he will be ready and strong enough to take on the challenges and stress of the sometimes brutal reality of the big bad real world as he grows to manhood. For Oscar, it is because I have so many fond memories of our times together, so much respect, gratitude and love for his friendship, strength, and that ‘never give up, never say die’ positive attitude that he has carried through each day in his life. As I sit down to write this, I have to stop and start many times because I keep tearing whenever I envision Oscar in my mind, especially when I picture him struggling to stand up on his now slightly wobbly legs, with his big ball sack, now stitched up right eye, limping out for his daily walks twice a day, but always with a warm, kind and gentle face. To Ricky and Oscar, you guys give me a real reason to keep going, and I love you... And to Vanessa…thank you for standing by me each day, knowing and understanding that I love you no less…
I am crying as I think about my Oscar right now. For over 19 years, Oscar stood by me all the time, even run hundreds, if not thousands of miles with me, over trails in Hong Kong. He has always been kind and caring, adapting to any situation I put him in, and has not once complained. He is truly representative of the resilience of the Hong Kong people...he’s truly a Hong Kong dog, in that sense. Every day, I wonder if I have given him even a small part of what he has given me all these years! For those who don’t know, Oscar is blind due to a tumour behind his right eye. Each time poor Oscar whines or whimpers, I imagine how much the tumour (which by the way is growing deeper and bigger into the top of his mouth) must be hurting him..and my tears start to well up. The tumour is almost impossible to operate on, as it has now grown too big for surgery. I don’t think any vet in Hong Kong has dared to perform surgery on a growth this big before. At least none of the surgeons in our clinic. The best chance of surgery was apparently six months ago, when the tumour was much smaller. I am both sad and angry at myself for not deciding to act on this sooner. In three days, we will receive the biopsy results of the tumour, which will help us understand the origin of the growth. Right now, chemo seems like the only logical option. Our vet, Dr Ho has also advised us on an alternative option, to give Oscar an Aloe Vera-based immune injection from the US, called Acemanon. Physically, Oscar is weighed down in more ways than one. After every visit to the vet, this 19-year-old dog, (who would be 135 years old had he been human) walks all the way back home on his own, dragging his right hind non-weight bearing leg, carrying a big ball of mass that has grown between his legs over the past three years.....without a single complaint! As much as it hurts to watch him suffer, it is his spirit that I can’t help but admire. He has taught me so much. I love Oscar, he is my real best friend! Just like Oscar, many other animals and creatures throughout the world have become reliable and loyal friends to people. If we open our hearts and minds enough, it is plain to see that the bonds of friendship can be extended beyond the human world, and can cut across various dimensions of the animal kingdom. If our hearts are big enough, humans and animals can in fact come together as one happy family.
If I could go back into the past, there are certainly some things I might have done differently. For one, I would have spent a lot more quality time with mum, instead of spending more time getting into arguments with her. I would have been happy and grateful just being in her presence, and said thank you more often. Recently, I attended the funeral of the late Mrs Senathirajah, and when I saw her three sons breaking down before us – something I had never seen before – I could certainly relate to it. Just like my mum, Mrs Sena had raised her sons single-handedly, and she was the pillar of strength for these men who have today grown to be independent and hugely successful in their own fields. I had always known Mrs Sena to be a warm person, who would go out of her way to welcome me and make me feel part of her family. If I had a chance to change the past, I would also have taken more time to get to know my grandpa better. He was a grouchy old man, but there was something about him that I secretly admired. He was a blacksmith, and in my opinion, one of the most hardworking people of his time. He was what one would call, a man of steel, a strong personality. Perhaps, if I tried hard enough, I could have made him smile more often. As for Oscar, my beloved dog and my best friend, I wish I had pet him and played with him more often...I try my best to hold him and show him more love now. He’s getting old and is partially blind, with a tumour behind his right eye. To make things worse, he’s got a massive growth between his legs, and has been dragging himself around on his own, without a single complaint, for three whole years now! I don’t even know how much longer he’ll be with us. In terms of work, I wish I had invested more energy to maximise and optimise my personal contributions to the development of the whole Group. The world needs leaders with a strong value system, who go beyond lip service, who have a sense of responsibility that drives them to walk the talk. As we all know, it’s far easier to preach then to practice. While I can’t change the past and undo my mistakes, I can definitely do something to influence the future. And I intend to begin with my son, Ricky. I’m on a downside slope, while Ricky is on an upside slope..he’s young, charged and has a low database of experience and knowledge, which makes it the right time for me to make a difference in his life and influence him positively. But that’s where the challenge lies... to be a living example for this young boy, I need to exercise more self-discipline. I need to stop making excuses for myself. Instead, I need to be ten steps ahead of myself. If I start today, perhaps I will have less regrets tomorrow...